Charlie's Mutants
by Tara
Summary: A humourous look at the xmen.This is dedicated to the people who can't spell Rogue.


Charlie's Mutants  
  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine their Marvels.  
  
  
I wrote this story in protest on how many times I have seen Rogue's name misspelled. Its ROGUE not ROUGE.  
  
  
  
It was a dark and stormy night; the mutants known as Rouge, Jujubes, and Psycho sat around the table waiting for a phonecall from their boss. A man they've never seen, they only know is name is Charles Xavier.  
  
Rouge was sitting there elegantly applying her blush; no one had the heart to tell her poppy red was not her color. As she applied the 154th layer that day, she turned to her friend and said, "Jujubes, when is he supposed to call sugar?"  
  
Her friend stopped snapping the 3 pieces of bubblicious she had in her mouth and said, " In a few minutes," but she had a big wad of gum in her mouth so no one knew what she said.  
  
Rouge observed her friends; Jujubes mutant powers were that she could shoot fire out of her fingertips, when she was younger her friends called her Zippo. She was wearing a yellow slicker and the fishing hat to match, why we're not sure, maybe she felt better, just in case they got caught in a monsoon. Her bright pink lipstick clashed with her baby blue eyeshadow, but Jujubes didn't care, her boyfriend Listerine said it turned him on. Who could argue with a man with 10 inch of pure manly ....................claws? Rouge was getting a headache from the reflection on Jujubes huge hoop earrings, so she focused her attention on her clothes. Jujubes wore hot pink leggings with lime green legwarmers. Her T-shirt was black and read "peace sells ...who's buying"  
  
Rouge turned to her friend Psycho; her mutant powers were that she could use her mind to make people cry. It came in real handy when they were interrogating people. Psycho wore navy bell-bottom jeans, which were ok but a real bitch to fight in. She also wore a tube top, which was worse to fight in because her floppy bits kept falling out. As she sat there waiting, she started to twirl her long purple hair in her fingers. She was obviously thinking of her boyfriend Wings, what a dick. Rouge had a sneaky suspicion he played on both teams. Rouge had been out on the town several times and seen him. He was always with a blue man with a long tail named Nightsquawker. Rouge shook her head, that was just something she didn't want to think about, she had enough problems of her own with her man, Joe Blow. He lost his memory awhile back, and the doctors didn't think he'd get it back. Which was fine by her, when Joe lost his memory, he had walked in on her and the suave Cajun known as Pepi Le Pew in bed.   
  
Rouge thought about Pepi a lot, she thought that they could be together, but he kept saying, " Qui Qui mon cherie" all the time and frankly it was starting to drive her nuts. The last time she saw him was a couple of weeks ago and she had enough. They had a knock down, drag out fight. He said he was getting tired of her being with Joe and using him. The last she heard he was vacationing in Antarctica.  
  
  
Rouge jumped when the phone rang. Jujubes jumped up to answer it.  
  
"Hello," she mumbled. Jujubes nodded her head and switch it to speakerphone.  
  
"Hello, my lovely mutants," said the voice over the phone.  
  
"Hello Charlie," said the girls, all at the same time.  
  
"Girls, the mission you will be embarking on is an extremely dangerous one," explained Charlie  
  
"Why will we barking?" asked a puzzled Jujubes.  
  
"There will be no barking,"said a exasperated Charlie  
  
"Too bad," said Psycho.  
  
"Girls, pay attention please. It seems Spitister and Mestink have joined forces."  
  
"Momma?" said Rouge.  
  
"Yes Rouge, I am sorry," said Charlie.  
  
Rouge had remembered Pepi breaking down one night, right before Joe was due to come home. He told her about the pain of hanging out with Spitister. His mutant power was a deadly one, he could hawk a loogie faster, and farther than any, human or mutant could possibly do. Pepi was upset because there seemed to be a shortage of umbrellas that year and he was getting tired of being sprayed. Rouge in turn had told Pepi the pain of living with a Shitshifter. It was useful if there was no bran or prunes in the house but could be embarrassing if her friends from school pissed her off.  
  
"What about the Moroners?" asked Psycho.   
  
"The only confirmed one in the area is Gism," said Charlie, "We are not sure where the rest are."  
  
" Do you know their plan?" asked Jujubes.  
  
"Yes it seems they are going to kill Senator David E Kelly, the future of Ally McBeal and the Practice lies in your hands girls, make me proud," said Charlie, then the phone went dead.  
  
"Let's get to work," said Psycho standing up.  
  
"Let's contact Blizzard, she maybe able to help us out on this one," said Rouge.  
  
"Does anyone know where she is," asked Psycho.  
  
"Well yeah, she hangs out at Dairy Queen," said Jujubes.  
  
"Let's go," said Rouge.  
  
The girls made their way to D.Q Headquarters. As they approached the base, they saw Blizzard outside enjoying a cigarette.  
  
"Blizzard, we need your help," said Psycho picking out the wedgy in her butt.  
  
Blizzard looked up and sighed, " Not today girls, I'm working a double shift today and I can't leave."  
  
"But the T.V viewers need you," Jujubes tried to explain.  
  
Blizzard just waved her hand, "Not today, we just got a new flavor. It can't be helped. Try Triceratops and his wife Bean, maybe they can help or perhaps Booby, oh no he has a shift today to."  
  
With that Blizzard butt out her smoke and went in. The girls turned to each other.  
  
"Well I guess we call Snotty," said Rouge.  
  
The girls found the nearest payphone and dialed Snot's number.  
  
"Listen up people, I don't have all day," said the man on the line.  
  
"Snotty? It's Psycho. We have a situation with Spitister and Mestink."  
  
"Yes Charlie already informed us and said you might call."  
  
Just then, a cloud of smoke was seen and the girls screamed as Spitister and Mestink emerged, coughing.  
  
"Fools all of you, that means you," said Spitister walking at the girls pointing at them. " And you and especially you."  
  
In the distance Listerine and Triceratops could be seen running, but Snot said something to him, which Listerine didn't take to kindly to and drop kick Snot and then started beating him up.  
  
"What are we going to do?" asked a terrified Jujubes.  
  
"I don't know, I thought you knew," said Psycho. They both turned and looked at Rouge, who was applying her blush.  
  
"Don't look at me," she said.  
  
"We are so dead," said Jujubes sitting on the curb.  
  
Just then a person emerge from the sky yelling, "The Penis will rise again."  
  
Everyone stopped and stared into the sky and yelled, " Bean!!!"  
  
Spitister looked up and laughed, "Do you think you can defeat me."  
  
Just then Spitister cleared his throat and launched a loogie at the Penis. The Penis just laughed and said, "My powers can defeat your flem Spitister."  
  
"Yeah well what about your friends?" Spitister motioned to Mestink and she closed her eyes in concentration. Everyone doubled over with cramps.  
  
"BEAN!"  
  
"SNOT!"  
  
The Penis let loose with her white goo, drowning everyone. She observed the scene and saw Listerine get up. She floated back to the earth.  
  
"Oh Hoagie, you're alright," she said wrapping her arms around him.  
  
"Yeah Darlin'," Listerine looked around him and saw the death,  
"I guess you won't need that divorce now."  
  
"Let's go home and start that family," said Bean.  
  
"Sounds good to me."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I know, I know bad but it had to be written. This is not intended to be rude and I'm not a perfectionist when it comes to plot, but really a name is important and how can we take your fic seriously when you keep calling her Rouge.It drives people NUTS. For those wanting me to go on with What did we do last night? I will, I felt bad ending it like that but I was drawing a total blank for THE TALK. Give me awhile and it will be out. If you R & R I'll get the other fic out faster that way. Gotta love bribery. Actually, why review I know it's bad, my eyes were watering writing it, well maybe that was something else. Please say something  



End file.
